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Lonely realizations…

Probably the loneliest thought I’ve ever had (and the scariest because it’s true) is that I don’t really have any good friends. I don’t have anyone that I trust completely. I don’t have anyone that seems like they would care if I was gone… I have friends, but they’re more like people to hang out with to pass the time… And the ones I don’t hang out with I barely talk to…

I just want someone to care about me… And show that they care about me… Is that really too much to ask?

Done…

I just fucking give up… I don’t even know why I try anymore… It all ends the same… My bad points outweigh the good. So why even try…

Depression

Depression has levels… I thought I was at the lowest level, between wanting to kill myself and crying myself to sleep for little/no reason… But apparently theirs even a deeper one… It’s kinda scary that thoughts so morbid have actually gone through my mind…

Why can’t I just shoot myself? Make all the pain go away… All the sadness and feelings just disappear…

Can I just disappear now? D:

It must be nice to say you’re depressed and you’re friends care enough to ask… I wish I had that… :(

mistakes…

one of these days, I’m gonna be really tired and I’m gonna call her babe and fuck everything up… 

Idk, part of me says that if she can handle me saying “good morning beautiful” every morning, she wouldn’t mind the slip up if that’s all it was… 

but another part of me says that calling her beautiful is saying she’s beautiful, whereas calling her babe is like calling her mine… or at least saying that she COULD be mine… and at this point in time, she wouldn’t possibly be my “babe”…

too much thinking going on… 

Missed signals…

So many times I’ll be with the girl I’m crazy about and she’ll do or say something that most girls do when they’re flirting or just trying to get you to know that they want to be close to you. I never know what to do in these situations. I don’t want to do something about it and have her get pissed because I crossed any lines… But I REALLY don’t want to miss out just because I was being nice…

It really sucks… Lol

interesting conversations.

I was talking to an ex, and we were talking about how everything started and why she started liking me, then she told me about how it was a trick because I told her that if I could guess the card she picked and make it appear in another color, she had to kiss me. I did it. then she said that I was the best kisser she’s ever kissed, and it just went from there… I love magic. 

I’m gonna be better for her. :) 
I just hope that she knows it’s all for her… :/

I’m gonna be better for her. :) 

I just hope that she knows it’s all for her… :/

(via amalovesmusic)